The Process of Family

It may seem otherwise to those who are blessed enough to know all their relations – warts & all – but to me, family is an ever-changing, dynamic thing, more of a process than an entity. My perception of family is a lake into which souls flow, stay varying lengths of time, then flow out again. Some float atop the waves, riding the tempests & foundering in the calms, others dive deep, & most flow out the other end. Some evaporate, a few sink into the depths. And all the while, we are floating in others’ lakes, an unending overlapping sea of transitory human experience.
At the headwaters of my particular stream, (back home, we called ‘em “cricks”), I had 2 siblings, a Mother, an aunt, 2 Grandparents. & asst. drunks. I have searched for years to find my Father, & my 5-6 half-siblings, to no avail. As no trace of this purported parent has ever surfaced, and knowing that my Mum was definitely not a candidate for ’Immaculate Conception II, the Sequel’, I have to accept that I have been misled. Funny that, as Grandma was overly fond of reminding us that the County Orphan’s Home was just down the road & that yes, the “Vacancy” sign was indeed lit! Woo-hoo! One would think that she would be itching to find our lost Pater Familias to rid herself of us. Our sister crossed the pond to Egypt, where she sank. Add her 3 kids & widower to the list of the evaporated ones.
So, how do you build a family when the fish refuse to swim together? You try to become a transitional generation. My son knows the meaning of both love & affection. Other swimmers have joined our little armada, & are closer to us than are our bio-relatives. Here is another incarnation of the Process of Family. The woman I refer to as Mother I met just 10 yrs. ago. Her son – my twin-brother-of-a-different-mother swims deeper in my heart than my sibling bro. It turns out that this Familial Process is the goal, after all. Gather in friends, acquaintances, blood relatives if you must; swim together, & watch carefully for the sharks of dysfunction.